Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's rum buckets o'clock
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
