to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had sex on a dog bed..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
