I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
