I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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