he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
