thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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