I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
