READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
