Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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