My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
