Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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