Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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