Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need water and some morals
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
