At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
