Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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