Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
