rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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