Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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