Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
