Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
