this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
