I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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