we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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