It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
