Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize