all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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