god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
