we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
