Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
