remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How does it feel to date your dad?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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