I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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