talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
