a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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