Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
