I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
