Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
