That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
