youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
