I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
