We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
