I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
this is an emotional support booty call
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
