Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
