standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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