About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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