Tell her she can't have a vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
