i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm passing your future prison.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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