The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
