Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
