i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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