I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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