Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
