I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just had sex on a roof
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
