I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
