considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
