I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations