3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted