hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours