it hurts more in the daytime
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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