so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
