yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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