I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
