I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
