White coat. Heels.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
