just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.