no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.