I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.