maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.