i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
