Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?