i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.