Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.