atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.