go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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