I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
