Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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