we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
