i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
