I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
