you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
