it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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