I think my fart just growled at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
